He passed out mid-signature
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
