the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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