I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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