i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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