I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
