If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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