Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
