life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
