operation have a gay friend backfired
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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