I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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