The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
