True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
