no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
