I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
