I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it because I queefed?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
