I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
