JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
