Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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