Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
