i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
