Non-Jews are for practice
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
