just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
