I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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