Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
