My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
