so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Actions speak louder than pants.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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