Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize