I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She bit a glass in half.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
