I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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