Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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