That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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