i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
