Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
