Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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