you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
