I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
