I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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