i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
