Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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