did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
