looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
