fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
