Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
