I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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