just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
