i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
