I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
