If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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