Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
