I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
