in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
should my penis look like a turkey
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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