Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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