Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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