Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
