We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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