Buhtt sex?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
