I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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