i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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