just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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