I just cut my nipple shaving
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
BRING THE BAGELS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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