I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
