and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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