If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
