Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
