he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
