Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
